Scars
by Princessofspades12
Summary: Madeline is a sexual target to some and completely invisable to most. Ivan is an exchange student from Russia who can't properly formulate sentences. What can he do when he sees Madeline hurt so many times? Whether its being raped or cutting herself, he doesn't know how he can help. Fem!CanadaxRussia!
1. Chapter 1

I walk down the crowed hallways of my high school. No one says hello, or excuse me, or even acknowledges me. I am nobody. I am not seen, nor heard. I keep my head down and and I remain silent. When I do get attention, it's to be harassed or taken advantage of. Some of the boys like to touch me because I never do anything about them. I'm scared of them. When I get home, I cry silent tears in my room and when I dry my eyes and open my door, I try to hide the scars on my wrists and and try to prove to others that I'm not broken. But truth be told, I'm in a million pieces. It won't be long before I completely break down. My parents don't care about me. They're too busy with my older brother, Alfred, to care at all. He's the star quarterback, a straight-A student, charming, funny, kind, loud, and perfect. No one cares that I've never gotten anything lower then a 99% or that I used to win awards for baking and I make them maple cookies every Sunday. I am invisible. My name is Madeline Williams, the name I took after my grandmother. She was the only one who's ever noticed me. The rest of my family go by 'Jones'. Yet again, I am an invisible out-sider.

OoOoO

I wait for the bus, off to another miserable day at school. Waiting for the bus is almost worse then riding it. Kids throw things at me and touch me. I whisper for them to stop, but they laugh and call me abusive things. When the bus finally arrives, I'm trampled and stepped on. By the time everyone's gotten on, I'm lying on the ground in agony. I can't pick myself up, but when I look up, I see a hand held out to me. Its big and calloused. My eyes travel up to see a muscular arm and then a large muscular chest. Finally I see his face. He has white-blond hair and blue eyes so dark that they look violet. He says something in a language I can't understand. I blink. "What?" I ask him. "You...are okay?" His English is choppy and it seems that it's hard for him to properly form sentences. He has a thick Russian accent and I figure he's an exchange student. I nod and take his hand. It warm and rough and my small hand seems to disappear inside. He gave me a small smile as he helped me up and I tried to do the same, but for whatever reason, I felt tears running down my face. I didn't know why, but I felt safe around him. He helped my onto the bus and tried not to let them see I was crying. For once, I was glad no one was paying attention to me. He found us a seat at the back of the bus and gestured for me to sit down. I do. "What...what is you're name?" He asked. "Madeline," I whisper. "What's yours?" He smiles at me and replies with "Ivan." He sits next to me and remains silent for the rest of the bus ride. When we get off, I wonder if he's already forgotten about me. School wasn't very good. I'm shoved in the hallways and called mean names. When lunch comes around, I'm standing at my open locker, grabbing my lunch box, when a pair of hands come around and grab my waist. _Please not now_ I think. The person starts kissing my neck and his hands travel up my body to my breasts. I bite my lip. I know who it is and I don't want him to touch me any more. Not ever again. He spins me around and smashes his lips to mine. "You look so pretty today _mon amour_." Francis says. He slips his tongue into my mouth and I try to push him away. He breaks the kiss and grabs my wrist, leading me into the boys bathroom. He kisses me again and starts unbuttoning his pants. I want to scream and hide. This wouldn't be the first time he's raped me. I try kicking him and I scream for help when his lips reach my neck. I close my eyes and pray for it to be over. And it is. I crack one eye open to see Ivan holding Francis by the neck. I cover my mouth and chock back tears. Ivan's expression was so calm, he was even...smiling. It was an insane smile that made me shiver and want to scream. "I tell you secret." I van whispered to Francis. "Every time I see your stupid face, I think of how fun it would be to pound into dust." Francis makes a gurgling sound and thrashes around. "Struggling will only make worse." I'm breathing hard and I'm pressed up against a stall, but I don't leave. I'm too terrified to move. "I change mind." Ivan said and released Francis's neck. "I'm not killing you...today." Francis gasps for air and runs out of the bathroom. Ivan walks over to me and holds out his hand. "You are okay?" He asks. His smile is warm and genuine again. I find myself crying again. I've been violated and I witness my violater being strangled. I was terrified. He cocks his head to the side and then smiles again. "I see, you thought I was nice guy." He said and chuckled. He shakes his head and says "Wrong. You are afraid?" I stopped crying and blinked. No, I wasn't afraid of him, he did it to protect me. I shook my head and stood up. He smiled at me again. "I will give you time alone." He left the bathroom. I look in the mirror at myself and try not to fall apart. My hands are shaking and my eyes are puffy from crying. I'm nothing. I open my purse and pull out a swiss army knife. I know I'm not suppose to have it at school, but it's the only thing I can do. I roll up my sleeve and check the scars on my wrist. I count each scar. There are fifteen in all, and that's no even all the times I've done this. I slash the knife across my wrist and cover my mouth before I can sream. I was clumbsy this time and the line was uneven. I take my hand away form my mouth and slash again. I feel tears running down my face.I'm disgusting. I should be ashamed. I put the knife back in my purse. I wash off my wrist in the sink and duck out of the bathroom. My stomach growls, but I only have ten minuets left of lunch. Outside of the bathroom, Ivan's waiting for me. His smile fades when he sees my wrist that wasn't quit done bleeding. I slipped up. I wore a white shirt so that he could see the blood through it. I try to hide my wrist, but it's too late. He's already seen it. He gently takes my arm and rolls down my sleeve. He doesn't even make a sound when he sees my slashed wrist. Instead, he pulls a bandaid out of his pocket and puts it over my wrist. Then he brings it up to his mouth and softly kisses it. I can't help but cry. He doesn't even ask questions, he just stands there and lets me cry, ocasionly listening to my pointless babble that doesn't even make sence. "And you...Francis...I didn't...Why me!?" Three minuets pass and I'm almost out of tears. He takes my glasses off me and wipes away my tears with his thumb. He puts his finger to his lips. "Shhhh" He says and puts my glassesback on me. "Why are you doing this for me? I'm invisable to most people and you're..." I cut myself off before I could say _a dangerous sociopath._ "I do not want to see you in pain." Ivan replied. _But why not? Everyone else does._ "Oh..." I say, not really sure how to reply. "You are...hungary?" He asks me and I nod.


	2. Chapter 2

He wraps his strong arms around me as I silently cry the tears I've been saving all day. It's been two months since I've met Ivan and since then I've literally had a shoulder to cry on. I feel warm and safe inside Ivan's arms. We're sitting on the bus, waiting to be let off at our stop. Ivan isn't hugging me because he cares, he's doing it to sheild me from the others. I don't want to show them that I'm broken. He strokes my hair sofly and repeats "Shh, it okay." Over and over. My tears have almost dried and I'm letting out soft hiccups. He unwraps his arms and cups the side of my face with his hand. He looks over my face, his eyes full of concern. His eyes say everything _What happened this time? Who did this to you? What's going on?_ I look away from him and say, "I was leaving my science classroom when...a boy grabbed me and slammed me aginst the wall and...and he..." I wanted to cry again, but Ivan wiped away the tears formimg in the corners of my eyes. "What did...he do?" I swallowed and tried again. "He punched me, right by the temple and in the stomach." I chocked out. I moved my honey blond hair behind me ear so that he could see the purple/black bruise on my temple. His eyes widened. "What did he look like!?" He nearly shouted. I flinched at the force in his voice. "He had really pale white skin and silvery hair and red eyes, but I think they were contact lenses." I knew who it was, but I wasn't going to tell Ivan, not after what happened with Francis. He balled his fists and I could hear him making a growling sound in the back his throat. "Please don't hurt him. No one deserves being so broken." I said. Ivan unclenched his hands and looked away from me. "Why you let them hurt you?" He asked. I shook my head and looked down. "Because I'm not strong enough to stop them." I whispered. Ivan's eyes widened and he cocked his head to the side. He didn't say anything, but I knew he had a million questions he wanted to ask me. Then, I said something I'd been meaning to ask all day. "Why do you care about me?" He looked a bit taken a back. He hesitated and finally shrugged. "I suppose...I have soft spot for the victum." _oh_ I thought _he pity's me._ After a few moments of scilence, I asked "Where do you live, by the way?" "423 sunflower road, and you?" _That's only the next street over from me!_ "437 Maple Drive." I replied. "You are few houses away." He said, smiling. I smiled weakly and nodded my head. Then the bus stopped near my house and we walked off together. "I'll see you tomarrow." I said, smiling at him. He smiled back and nodded. "Goodbye..." He said something in Russian, but I didn't know what it meant. I slowly started walking away. When I got inside, the first greeting I got was Alfred standing by the door with his arms crossed, looking down at me. He seemed angry and I felt a little guilty. Alfred supprisingly cared about me. He wanted to know what was going on with me at school or why I had a scar on my wrist, but I don't tell him, my problems aren't his. _But don't you understand!? _His voice rang in my head _You're my litter siser! I care about you Maddy!_ Anyway, he asked me "Who was that you were with waiting at the bus stop? The scary muscly dude that was hugging you and kissing you're hair?" Was Ivan kissing my hair? I suppose so, but anyway; I sighed. I should've known Alfred would spy on me. He doesn't ride the bus because he has his own car, but he always makes sure I get on okay when we're at school. No one messes with me when Alfred's around. "That was Ivan." I said, kicking off my shoes by the front door. "He's my..." I hesistated. Alfred wouldn't believe me if I said he was my friend, but he'd get angry and overprotected if I said boyfriend. Besides, that would be a total lie. "He's my boyfriend." I finally said. I felt aweful about lying. "Madeline!" Alfred shouted. I flinched at the force in his words. "You aren't old enough to have a boyfriend! You're _fourteen_! What the hell were you thinking!?" I tried to blink back tears and said what I'd been thinking all day. "Well maybe I need a boyfriend with all the bullshit I have to handle at school! Maybe Ivan can protect me! Maybe he can stop this abuse I've been getting from _everyone_." I stopped to take a breath. This was the first time in my life I had been so loud. Alfred look hurt and confused. "Maddy...? What's been...?" The fake concern in his voice made me angrier then he already had. "You didn't know about the bullying? Or the touching? The beatings or rape? None of it? Where the fuck have you been this whole time!? Why else would I be cutting myself or crying every fucking day after school? Why else would I come home bloody and bruised? Huh? WHY!?" I really broke down this time, crying until I had completely run out of tears. Alfred didn't do anything. He just stood there, watching me cry my eyes out with hurt in his eyes. I sniffed and bawled my fists. How dare that little bitch feel pity for himself! How dare he be so vain as to pity himself. I glared at him. "Bitch." I spat at him and walked upstairs to my room. I sat on my bed, thinking about the previous events. Maybe I could call Ivan. I wanted to see him and just do something with him. Anything. I wanted to get my mind off of school and home and just...life. I wanted to be with him and have him hold me until my internal wounds healed and I wanted to feel his lips against mine. I smiled to myself. What a wonderful fantasy, but it wouldn't happen. Ivan was my friend, but...the way he kissed my wrist when he noticed the blood two months ago and if he WAS kissing my hair at the bus stop...Maybe he wanted me, too? I knew Ivan well by know. I knew his parents died a while ago and know he lived with his older sister Katyusha and younger sister Natasha. He had a habbit of bullying kids at his school in Russia and he wanted to change that when he moved to America, but habbits can be hard to break. He still has random bursts of anger. The other day he smashed a locker so hard that the door fell off and broke someones nose because they were talking about "banging" his older sister. A lot of people believe that he's scary, which, on occasion, I can't argue with. He's seventeen and he's a junior. He's never been to a gym, which really shocked me at first because he's so muscular. He said when he was three, his parents made him to 50 push-ups and 100 sit-ups everyday. Every three years, the numbers went up by 50 and he just never stopped. He also likes to jog and swim and play all sorts of sports. I liked thinking about Ivan. I grabbed my coat and walked downstairs. Alfred was in the living room watching TV on the flatscreen mom and dad got him for christmas. I rolled my eyes, put on my shoes and walked out the door. It was a cold day in March. The wind whistled through my hair and sent shivers up my spine. I pulled my coat closer until I got to Ivan's door step. I knock on the door and waited impatiently for him to answer. A girl with long dirty blond hair, blue eyes and a white bow in her hair answered. She must have been one of Ivan's sisters. Judging by her looks, I was guessing she was about my age, maybe a year older. Natasha. "Can I help you with something?" She asked in a rude, condesending tone. He english was a lot better then Ivan's and she hardly had an accent at all. I nodded and looked dwon at my feet. "I-is Ivan home?" I asked, barley above a whisper. "What are you, a fucking ghost? Speak up next time." She rolled her eyes and yelled into the house something in Russian, my gues it was _Ivan, you have a visitor_ or _Ivan come to the dorr_ or most likely _ Ivan! Get your ass down hear! _I waited at the door for Ivan to come down. Then his bulky frame filled the door. He smiled at me. "Matvey!" He said. "H-hi." I replied. "Um...are you doing anything?" He shook his head. "Then do you want to go to the movies?" He smiled. "Sure, Matvey! Just a moment." He went inside for a minuet and came back out with his coat, his wallet, and his car keys. "Let's go." He said and kissed my on the cheek


	3. Chapter 3

I stood there, frozen in shock. _He kissed me! He actually kissed me!_ I repeated to myself over and over again. "Matvey?" Ivan called from the car. Quickly getting over my temporary shock, I climbed in the car and smiled at him.

My palms were sweaty. Funny how I didn't feel nervous around him before, but now...I don't know. I bit my lip and started twiddling my thumbs. I wasn't sure what I was expecting. Another kiss I suppose?

Of course, as luck would have it, Something terrible had to happen. I was coming out of the movie theater bathroom when I saw the absolute last person I wanted to see. Francis spotted me and smirked. He was close enough to were I could smell his wine covered breath. He must've snuck into his mother's liquor Cabinet again.

He chuckled. "My dear Madeline," He started. "I believe that we were interrupted last time." He moved his mouth slowly and carefully towards my own. He forced his tongue in and I tried not to scream. This hadn't happened in two months, I wasn't used to it.

"St-stop..." I whimpered when his lips hooked on to my jaw. I didn't dare push him away, he would only get angry. I felt a tear rolling down my cheek and watched it land on Francis's head. He growled in frustration. "Madeline," He said in an irritated tone. "Don't you like it when we do this?" _NO!_ I screamed to myself. I hated every part of this. I just wanted it to stop. I nodded. Arguing will make things worse for next time.

"Then _stop_ crying!" He hissed through clenched teeth. I nodded and held back my tears. He licked my neck and began taking off my red sweater and unbuttoning my white blouse. I felt cold without my sweater and with half my stomach exposed.

Francis slammed me against the wall and slid one hand up my half-unbuttoned shirt. I held back a scream and closed my eyes. _You whore._ I told myself. _Why are you letting this happen!? Because you're a filthy slut who likes the attention!_ I knew it wasn't true, but that didn't stop my from telling myself those awful words.

"Matvey!" I heard Ivan call. Thank god. I screamed bloody murder until my throat hurt. I felt Francis's fist connect with my jaw. It hurt more then I remembered. "Dammit! I still have marks from last time!" He growled. He smirked at me again. "I'll see you again, my lovely Madeline." And with that last remark, he took off running, just before Ivan found me.

I broke down crying when he craddled me in his arms. I didn't talk this time and I didn't care that people were starting to stare. "Please don't leave me, Ivan." I whispered into his shirt when my tears turned into hiccups. He nodded and kissed my head. I rose my head and my eyes locked with his. We just stared at each other for a moment.

I felt my heart racing and I heard the blood pounding in my ears. Our gaze didn't break. I felt nauseous but at the same time...not. Our lips connected. He pressed his warm, soft lips on mine and gently kissed me. I felt myself smile. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he put his hands on my waist. His kisses sent a warm feeling through out my body that made me want more

Eventually, I had to breath, which broke that kiss. We stared at each other. His cheeks were dusted with pink and I knew I was blushing. I looked away from his eyes and down at my hands. "Um...th-thank you." I finally managed to stutter out.

He smiled at me and pulled me into a hug. "Let us go home." He said. I nodded and followed him out the door of the theater. "What happened?" He finally asked. I hesitated. I can't tell him, can I? No, not after what happened last time. "One of the janitors tried to touch me and I didn't like it." I lied. I seemed to be doing more and more of that.

Ivan stopped dead. "What His name? What he look like?" He demanded. "I didn't get a name, but he was short with black hair and blue eyes and a really thick beard, similar to a lumberjack's." I made up the discription because I didn't want to get anyone in trouble.

Ivan looked at me skeptically. I grabbed my hand and pulled my closer to him. He bent down so that we were face to face and I could smell his breath. It smelled like mint and chocolate. "Matvey, Please tell truth." I couldn't lie to him. I sighed and shifted my weight.I couldn't meet his gaze. "It was Francis...again..." I said.

Ivan's eyes widened and he cursed under his breath. "Please please please don't hurt him." I begged. This time he looked away from my eyes. "Have you forgive so easily?" He asked. I shook my head. "I don't forgive anyone." I stated. "But the pain and suffering I go through, no one deserves it. No one deserves to suffer."

"Let us leave, now." He said. I silently agreed and walked back to the car with him.

OoO

"Hey Maddy!" Alfred called when I got inside my house. "Hello." I said. "Hey, Maddy, why are you smiling? Not that it's a bad thing, but you never smile any more." He asked. I shrugged. " 'Cause I was with Ivan." I replied dreamily. Alfred's face fell a little. He scrched the back of his head and shifted his weight

"Yeah, about that, does this Ivan dude make you happy?" He asked. I nodded with enthusiasm. "Really, really happy?" He asked and I nodded again. "Okay." He said. I knit my eyebrows togther. "What's okay?" I asked. "It's okay if you date him. Your happiness is all that counts."


	4. Chapter 4

Tongues. I blame them for my problems. Well, tongues and hands, anyway. Four days later, I was with Ivan in my room. He was blushing a lot and couldn't look me in the eyes. I hadn't realized how nervous I made him feel before and for whatever reason, it made me feel a lot better. Of course, he wasn't nervous about me, he was nervous about being in my room, sitting on my bed.

I suppose I felt a little weird about it as well, but I suppressed my emotions and tried to ignore the butterflies. I smiled at him and touched his cheek with my fingertips ever so lightly. He looked at me finally and brushed my hair behind my ear. I felt myself blush a little and I started breathing a little harder. Our lips met. His hands traveled down my body, tracing my curves and landing on my hips. The kisses were just as soft and gentle as at the movie theater and they made me feel so high.

I liked the feeling. His kisses helped wash away my pain and suffering and replaced it with warmth and happiness. I felt like I was melting in his hands. I felt safe, which was something I hadn't felt in a long time. That is, of course, where the problems began. The kisses weren't as soft anymore. They somehow seemed more aggressive and lustful. I didn't like it. The feeling of safety washed away, leaving me with a cold, evil feeling.

I felt like I was being attacked again. _C'mon, Madeline! This is Ivan, he won't hurt you! Will he? _I felt a shiver going up my spine. _Just ease into I. _I told myself. _This is normal, right? It's okay, isn't it? _I was wrong, though. It wasn't okay. It made me feel cold and dirty and I didn't like it. He was being too rough and too aggressive. I felt his tongue slip into my mouth and I started panicking. I shut my eyes. _It's okay, it normal! It's perfectly normal..._

That was until his hands started slipping up my shirt. I pulled away. "What are you doing?" I asked. He remained quiet and turned away from me. _"_I'm sorry..." He whispered. I just shook my head. "I would think of all the times you've seen me being attacked, you would know." I said. "Matvey, I-" "Just stop!" I interrupted. I looked up at my ceiling. "I think you should leave." I finally said after a few minuets.

"But-"

"Leave!" I shouted. He nodded, stood up and walked out the door. I tried to hold back tears, but I felt them rolling down my face anyway. I wanted someone to comfort me, but the only two people ever willing weren't around. Alfred was at football practice, like every Tuesday after school. Who knew how long he'd be gone.

I guess I could've been as loud as I wanted because no one was home but it had become habit to cry silently. I should've known. That stupid nice guy act was exactly what I said, an act. He wanted the exact same thing everyone else wanted from me, sex.

The only thing was, he wanted me to fall for him. He wanted me to be so messed up and broken and he wanted to be the only shoulder for me to cry on. Then I would be so confused and fed up with everything except him that I would give him anything he wanted. I was about to, too, but he didn't wait long enough. I was still weary of him. I'm such an idiot.

I buried my face in my pillow and sobbed. Stupid. Stupid, stupid, little girl. I don't know anything. I feel so young and ignorant. I _am_ very young and ignorant and I don't deserve comfort, I made the mistake. It wasn't Ivan's fault, it was mine. How could I possible think that he would like me? That he would care for and comfort me? That he would help me without any price to pay? How?

At that moment in time, my self worth was so low that thoughts of suicide passed through my mind. Why not? No one cares about me anyway. I would be doing the world a favor. I am a worthless piece of garbage and I don't deserve life. Not even this shitty, pathetic life I'm living. Stupid.

I sniffled and wiped away my last tear drops. I reached for the swiss army knife on my bedside table and rolled up my sleeve. I slashed it across my wrist. After a few months of this, I didn't cry any more. I merely grit my teeth and clenched my hands together. I slashed again. The cut was a lot deeper this time and I had to bite my lip. I hate myself. I'm disgusting.

I inhaled deeply and cut again. Three perfect scarlet lines trailed across my wrist, each one deeper than then the last. I didn't feel any better, if anything, it made my self worth even lower. _Shit-face whore._ I thought to myself. _Attention, that's all you want, you only do this to yourelf for attention_. Was that true? At this point, I wasn't sure. _ Next, you'll be selling your body on a street corner, or telling Francis to fuck you._ I cried. Was I so desperate for attention that I would resort to prostitution? Probably.

OoO

Afred's POV: "Maddy, I'm home!" I called. Scilence. "Maddy?" I shouted again. No reply. _I should go check on her._ I thought. _Oh, wait,what if she's with her boyfriend? I shouldn't interrupt._ I thought about it a moment until finally deciding to go check on her. I'll knock first, then she'll have fair warning before I come in.

I walked upstairs and knocked on her bedroom door. "Maddy, am I interrupting?" I asked. There was no reply. "Maddy?" I jiggled the door knob. Lock. "Maddy!" I shouted, banging on the door, a panicked feeling overwelming me. _Oh, god. This is bad, __this is very very bad._ I slammed my shoulder against the door, which didn't do anything but hurt my shoulder.

"Maddy! Please, open the door!" I yelled again, tears forming in the corners of my eyes. _Dear god, please let my sister be okay. _I wasn't the praying type, but I couldn't stop. Maddy was too importanat to let go. _No, Maddy, no. Please please please be okay_. I slammed against the door again. I felt my shoulders throb and I could swear I dislocated it.

_Dammit, I don't have time for this. _I grabbed a paper clip from dad's study and began picking the lock. In no time, the door was open, but it felt like an eternity. I rushed inside, only to see Madeline face-down in her bed with three red lines across her wrist and an empty bottle of pills on the floor next to her.

Trying not to cry, I whipped ou my phone and dialed 911. "911 operater, what's your emergancy?" The man on the other line asked. "Please help, I think my little sister's dead."


	5. Chapter 5

Alfred's POV: "Sir, can you tell me exactly what you know?" The officer asked me. Madeline was being rushed into an ambulance on a gurney. There were about seven police cars and one ambulance. I sniffed and wiped at me eyes. "Y-yeah, sure." I stuttered out. "Um...I came home from football practice and went up to her room to check on her.

"The door was locked and she didn't reply when I knocked on the door or shouted her name. I tried to break the door down, which only hurt my shoulder. A lot. Anyway, When I managed to pick the lock, I saw her face down on her bed with a bottle of empty pills next to her." I took a shaky breath and tried not to cry again.

"Okay sir, one more thing," The officer said. "Was there anything going on in her life that would make her want to do something like this?" I nodded. "There was an entire list of things." I said. The officer raised his eyebrows, waiting for me to say something else. I remained silent and stared back at him. "Like what kinds of thing?" He finally asked. "She was getting bullied pretty bad a school. Beat, neglected, raped, ect. She was pretty broken."

The officer's jaw pushed forward and his eyes narrowed at me. "And you never did anything? Like take her to therapy?" Oh hell no. He was blaming Madeline's suicide one _me_? Fuck that! "She never let me." I said in a defensive tone. I crossed my arms over my chest and glared back at him. "She insisted that no one could help her except her boyfriend. I was beginning to believe, too. She would come home smiling and cheerful. She was back to being pleasant. She would talk about how no one does anything to her when Ivan was around. So tell me something, how that hell was I supposed to know that she was getting worse?"

The officer huffed at me and shut his notebook. "That will be all,sir." He said through gritted teeth and walked off. I sighed and kicked at the dirt. How could I let this happen to her? How could I be so blind as to not see everything that was happening to her? I felt like an idiot. _It doesn't matter_! I said to myself. _Maddy needs me to be there with her, I can't let her down!_ I hopped in my car and started driving myself to the hospital, suddenly feeling a lot more determined.

OoO

Madeline's POV: I woke up to a stream of sunlight in my eyes. I felt weak and dizzy and I didn't remember much. I remember getting mad at Ivan for some stupid reason and I remembered slashing my wrists. I remembered my self worth dropping rapidly, so much so that I swallowed what I thought was a deadly amount of pills. Lucky It wasn't. I felt like a fool, getting so mad at Ivan for such a stupid reason. He was just being thoughtless and coming on to strong. It's not like he was trying to abuse me. What I _should_ have done was merely _tell_ him that I didn't like were he was heading instead of kicking him out and feeling so sorry for myself that I decided to end my life.

Idiot. I looked around, realizing quickly I was in the hospital. Alfred must have found me and called 911. I heard the door creak open and Alfred walked in. He half-smiled at me and asked "How are you feeling?" I tried to say 'I could be better' but all that came out was a raspy, hissing sound from the back of my throat. His face fell and I cleared my throat and tried again. "I'm not so great." I managed to choke out.

"Sorry to hear that." He said. I shrugged. "It's not your fault I'm stupid." I said. "Maddy, don't say that about yourself. You're not stupid, you're in pain." He pleaded. I rolled my eyes. "I attempted to kill myself because Ivan tried to tongue kiss me. That's pretty stupid." I laughed non-humorously at myself. "I want to see him." I said to myself. Alfred's face fell a little more. "I'll call him for you." He said, sadly. I smiled a little at him. "I'll be okay soon enough. I promise." I reassured. He nodded, not really believing me and walked out of the room to go call Ivan.

About ten minuets later, Ivan was rushing into my room with a worried expression on his face. "Matvey! You are alright? How you feel?" He asked frantically. I simpily smied at him and said "I'll be alright. Sorry to worry you." He shook his head and replied "It's no trouble. I worry about you." _How could I ever get mad at him?_ I asked myself. "Hey, Ivan," I started.

"Yes?"

"Will you do me a favor?"

"Anything."

"Will you kiss me?" He looked shocked for a moment, but his shock soon turned into happiness and he nodded. He leaned in and kissed my cheek softly and started pulling away. I felt dissapointmeant fill me and I grabbed his arm. "That's not what I meant." I said. Ivan looked confused and then supprised and happy again. This time, there was no hesitation. He slammed his lips onto mine, our teeth clashing. I sat up in the hospital bed and kissed back.

Unlike last time, I wanted these aggressive kisses and there was no way in hell I was going to stop him this time. I wrapped my arms around his neck when I felt his tongue go into my mouth. He ran his hands along my body which gave me goosebumps. I smiled against his lips and keep kissing. These kisses didn't make me feel safe or warm, instead the filled me with a burning desire to do more than kiss. I liked the feeling of Ivan's hands on my body and his lips pressed against mine

Like the other kisses, they made me forget everything and made me feel happy. Ivan's lips moved from my lips to my jaw to my neck. I let out a loud sigh of pleasure, hoping no one could hear. The kisses slowed until they completely stopped. Ivan lifted his head and stared at me with those perfect blue/indigo eyes. "Matvey, how far do you want me to go?" He asked me, seriously. "I don't know." I admitted. "I just want you to touch me. I don't care how." He smiled and whispered "Perfect" Under his breath and began kissing my neck again.

I felt his hands go up my shirt, but I didn't stop him. His kisses traveled back up to my lips, as did his hands up my torso. My hand went up to the side of his face and I bit down on his bottom lip. He pulled away. "You're not ready for this, are you?" He asked. I hesistated. I wanted to say yes, I wanted to more than anything, but I couldn't lie to myself. I really wasn't ready. I had never _truly_ had sex before, and based on my "expiriance" with Francis, I wasn't sure if I wanted to.

It was messy and akward and it hurt like hell. So I did the honest thing and shook my head, but a horrible thought came to mind. "Wait...how many times have you...?" I couldn't finish the question. Did I really want to know? Ivan cringed, which probably meant _a lot_. "A few..." He said. "But, they were _all_ mistakes. I never even wanted to, anyway." He said. "Oh..." He grabbed my hands and stared into my eyes. "Madeline, I really love you, please don't let that ruin anything between us." I nodded. Love. He told me he loved me. Not even Alfred told me he loved me.

I felt like crying again. But these tears filling my eyes were different this time. They were full of joy. I wanted to throw my arms around him and kiss him until I couldn't breath any more. I was just so happy. "I love you, too, Ivan." I said. "Nothing will ever get in the way of us." I kissed him, feeling overjoyed and in love. If only I had known the hardships to come.


	6. Chapter 6

It took a while to convince Alfred that I was better and that I didn't need to be in the hospital anymore. He kept saying 'one more day, I wanna make sure you're okay.' But eventually, I got him to agree to let me go home. That specific day was a Sunday, which meant I had to wait another day to go back to school. Ivan had visited me nearly everyday in the week I had been in the hospital. Not much talking was exchanged, but a lot of hands and lips and tongues were involved. These things made me happy and I felt like I was on drugs, but I missed talking to him.

Of course, I liked kissing much more. The simple touch he gave me filled me with a strange, warm feeling that spread through my entire body. Love was a possibility, but lust seemed more accurate. Alfred didn't exactly approve of my relationship, but he never discouraged me, either. Sometimes I felt as if he had a million negative things to say, but held them in for me. It was considerate of him, but I also wanted to know what was on his mind.

Besides, knowing whether he was happy, sad, or angry was better than seeing his emotions completely bottled up inside. It hurt my heart. I would even ask him occasionally "So, how do you feel about me and Ivan?"

"It's okay, as long as you're happy."

"Really? You know he's three years older than me, right?"

"I know, but-"

"But my happiness is all that counts, I get it. But I want to know what your opinion on the matter is."

At that point, he would look me dead in the eyes and say "Trust me, no you don't." and walk out of the room. I would sigh and try again a few days later with a slightly different approach. It was nerve-racking, not knowing his thoughts on the matter and I didn't like how curious and ignorant it made me feel.

Anyway, the Monday after I was let out of the hospital, I went to school like usual, but Ivan wasn't at the bus. Dammit. Knowing the abuse I was going to get that day was almost as bad as the actual thing. Almost. Of course, I've been wrong before. Getting beat wasn't the worst thing. With as much as I abused myself, I was nearly immune to pain. I didn't like the neglect from everyone. Getting pushed and shoved like I'm not even there irritates me, and it's not just the students.

Why do I feel as if I'm the only one getting abused by teachers? Oh yeah, most likely because I am. Most teachers can't even remember my name and others never bothered to learn. This kind of neglect didn't scar me as bad before, but know that I got attention, it seemed weird for it to be taken away from me. Somehow, it made me feel empty. A few minuets after lunch, I felt familiar, cold hands wrap around my waist. I flinch when I felt those hands run up and down my curves and someones tongue swipe across my neck.

"Whoever told you that a girl likes that, is a retard. It's not cool, it's not a turn on, and it's not sanitary. It's just gross and really creepy." I told Francis with sarcasm hidden in my words. "I hear you've gotten quit familiar with tongues recently." He whispered seductively in my ear, his warm breath coating it's shell.

I shivered from disgust and went on. "Yes, My boyfriend's to precis, and you're _not_ him." I felt his creepy, sly smile stretch across his mouth. "I could be if you wanted me to." He whispered and licked the shell of my ear. "Stop that! It's really weird and only makes me hate you more." I said. "Besides, that last thing I want to do is date a slug like you." I was feeling pretty smug until his fingers crept up my body like a spider and grabbed my breasts.

I winced and tried not to panic. "Don't you have better things to do then rape helpless freshman who despise you? Or are you just that much of a low life?" I asked, but I knew the answer. Yes. It was always yes. "Ooooooooh, you're words can be so harsh. It hurts me." He replied. "Answer the damn question!" I snapped. Instead, he kissed me hard and shoved his slimy tongue into my mouth. I felt revolted. I kneed him in his soft spot and tried to worm free from his grasp. One of his hands moved up to my neck and he wrapped his fingers around it. "Bitch!" He shouted and rubbed in between his legs because of the pain lingering from my kick.

I tried to breath, but I couldn't. I simply made a strange gurgling noise and began seeing black spots. His grip tightened around my neck and he...let go. I gasped and crumpled to the floor. A big mistake on my part. I was right where he wanted me to be.

OoO

Broken. I felt broken. Why did I have to go back to school the day Ivan was gone? Why did Francis have to find me? Why does Francis _always_ have to find me? I felt weak and helpless and I couldn't stop the tears. This was the worst one. Why did I have to stand up for myself? It only brought me more trouble and gave me more scars. These scars were different from the ones on my wrists, though. These scars could only be seen if you looked close enough and hardly even then. Ivan saw them. Ivan was the first to notice. Alfred's beginning to see them, but he hasn't quite yet.

These scars can never be healed nor can they ever leave. They live inside me. My head, my mind, and my heart. They tear me up everyday and that will never stop. I can't go back in time and fix the damage. I desperately wish I could, but that's unrealistic. This feeling that lived inside of me tore me to pieces. Nothing could heal me. Not Alfred, not Ivan, not anyone. I will never heal.

Knowing that, it's a lot easier to deal with the fact that my life does and forever will suck. I can't lie to myself any more. _Whore_ I thought to myself. _I'm icky, no wonder no one likes me. I'm a curse._ It was true. Everyone knew it. Anyway, when my bus finally reached the stop, I didn't go home. I went straight to Ivan's house.

At this point, neither of us bothered knocking on the others door, we simply let ourselves in and went straight up to the other's room. Like always, Ivan was sitting in his desk doing homework. His back was turned to me and I don't think he even noticed the door opening. "H-hey, can I talk to you?" I stuttered. He turned around and hid face brightened up. "Mm-hm. What you want to talk about?" He asked. "Why weren't you at school today?" I asked.

"I had to held Natasha with something. Was that what you wanted talk about?" I shook my head and took a shaky breath. "I came back from the hospital yesterday, I'm sorry I didn't come and visit. So anyway, today was my first day back in a week and it wasn't very good. I had some troubles with Francis again." My eyes stung and I wanted to cry again.

I sniffed, wiped my eyes, and continued. "But, anyway, I just...I can't deal with this anymore. I've been so utterly broken and no matter how hard I try, I can't piece myself back together. So I'm going to be leaving town for a little. Francis knows where I live and I feel like everywhere I turn, there he is, drunk and ready for my again. I'm just...I'm not safe." I started crying again and I felt my voice choking up.

I wiped at my eyes again and continued. "But I'm here to propose a question for you," I grabbed his hands and looked him in the eyes "Would you like to come with me?"


	7. Chapter 7

Silence. He didn't reply. I tried to hold back my tears and stared up at the ceiling. "Okay, I- I'm sorry to bother you then." I turned to leave when Ivan grabbed my wrist and spun me back around to face him. "Madeline, just listen to me!" He said his words with such force that I winced. His head was down so that I couldn't see his eyes, just a mop of light blond hair.

I nodded and he lifted his head so that I could see those gorgeous indigo eyes. The exact eyes that made me melt under his gaze and those perfect pink lips that made me feel high when they touched mine. Then there was his strong Russian nose that cradles my into my neck to well and his beautiful blond/silver hair that he always let me tug at when we kissed.

His face was perfect, as was his body, brain, and soul. He was the most perfect creation to ever walk earth, so how did he end up with a disgusting mess like me? I was so beneath him, and I'm sure he knew it, too. He smiled a little at me. "Sorry," He muttered. "I didn't want you to leave." I smiled back at his kind words, but I still felt tears sting my eyes.

"I would like to go with you," I almost cried again, I was so happy. But then his face got really serious and somewhat sad. "However, I have my sisters I need to provide for and I can't just up and leave." I nodded. Of course there was a 'but', why did I think otherwise? I couldn't be mad, though. His sisters really did need him. "Of course," Ivan began again. "There's always the alternative of skipping school and staying with me." He suggested. "I don't know..." I stuttered out. "Think about," He said. "I'll be here to protect you, Francis won't know where you are, nor does he know where I live. It's a perfect solution!" He smiled at me and I couldn't help but get excited over his plan.

I nodded. "Okay, I'll live here with you." I said. I reached up and tried to kiss him, but he was so tall that even on my toes, the best I could do was reach his chin. He chuckled and bent down to kiss me. What a gorgeous laugh he had! His tongue flicked across my lower lip and I felt his warm breath go down my throat. I tangled my fingers into his hair and kissed back.

Forgetting was never an easy task for me, but Ivan made me instantly forget everything and filled me with a warm, happy feeling that I couldn't explain. It wasn't love, I didn't think, but it definetly was a strong romantic feeling that was damn close to love.

Ivan slowly pulled away from me and smiled. I hugged him and refused to let go. I could feel every breath he took and his muscles moving underneath me. I smiled at the sensation.

The rest of the day was spent kissing or sitting next to each other in a comfortable silence. It was weird, the happier we were, the less we seemed to talk. He held my hand most of the day and when nightfall came, I fell asleep in Ivan's lap. It woke up again to the sensation of his strong arms wrapped around my torso. I couldn't help but feel happy and safe.

I knew from that moment, no matter how aweful things got or how upsetting things seemed, in the end, I would be alright. I had Ivan and that was all that mattered.

**Awwwwwwww! Wasn't that a sweet ending? Yeah, I know, It's short, but I was REALLY stumped on what to do and I no longer have much interest in this story, so I'm ending it right here. There won't be any more! If you have any questions about the ending or if there's anything you want to know more about, please contact me and I'll try to come up with an answer :D**

**Jazzlyn/Princessofspades12**


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